It was too good to be true. After a day, everything changes. It’s seem like a very beautiful dream and the next day it's becomes a bad nightmare. Three days of crying; while falling to sleep, while waking up and the long walk I had just now, I cried for hours randomly outside not believing this really happen. It has been years seem I had this emotional crap breakdown feeling. It was going way to fast.

Why must you deceive me? And how could you be cruel the next day? The way you responded to my random questions and text messages seem that we can be one good friend. If I didn’t so call rejected your undirected date out, would things be different now. I not sure if I should blame myself for making the wrong choice. But I really need to be with her, that’s the only day we could see each other. Why can’t you wait a little longer? Or was it the phone call you picked up that night? Did you make your decision after a few hours passes by? Or did I pick up the wrong date to do this? But why? The real reason please?

The excuse seem unreal to me. It was just a two days ago I ask and your replied was no. But why things came up unexpectedly. Was that really the excuse or you making up to get rid of me? You seem nice at the beginning and I really like that. And the way you responded and projected it tells me that I did give a good first impression. But now it seems that you are really the bad guy that I commented about your previous relationship. I don’t find it a bothersome to have that kind of relationship. I like you the way you are, nothing else matters and I totally understand things may be vary then the normal ones. That’s precisely why I find you different from others. Come on, I really don't give a second thought about that nor I was thinking about that.

But seriously, the excuse you give me was really unbelievable; it was less than a day if counted the day you did not reply. I wish to find out more, but I can’t. The only thing I know about you was just you on that partially day and your name and your number.

I don’t think I can ever randomly meet you there. But I really wish too but I don't think I have the courage to that again, awkwardness may strike. That is something that I can't tolerate anymore, once is enough. I don’t think I can forget this experience; it was really too pure and innocent moments. I really wanted a good ending and a good start. But you didn’t give me the chance. In future, may be may be not? Who knows, we can never accidentally see each other. I guess, fate was never been there at the beginning.

If I know things are complicated like this, I would had ask more than a drink, a clearly picture of you and more direct personal information’s to dig up from you! I'm so regretting about this, there was so much that I want to ask but during that moment, but my mind when completely blank. I should have not left early too. I really wish we could just hang out for dinners. And I forgot to ask what was his first impression of me too.

I’m sorry if I have surprised you in any way which I think I did a lot. No worries, I won’t appear out of nowhere around nor near you. I don’t think I have heart to pass there to. I'm assuming that you will never ever remember me, even if I would be standing right there.

I have no choice but to wish you all the best and may happiness last. She must be one lucky girl. I was really too late, m I? Trying to be friends with a stranger is very hard task?


from malia to asraf.

\\will he ever find this post?



---------------------------
My tears drain out mostly all my energy, no appetite equal to skipping meals, no desire to do anything equal to assignment being untouched, no admiration means no passion. Staring at empty vision equal to mind officially shut down which lead to more thinking and regretting which then lead to more tears flowing.

Therefore I will be MIA from blogging till my heart/body recovery. I should get busy with school works soon, projects and assignment are soon to be date due. Will I or will I not able to get over the fact? Hmmm..

Capricorn is very emotional person and always has a very hard time to forget.

And you, that person thanks for coming down and hearing my random emotional breakdown that was very kind of you to do that even when you are sick, really appreciated it. We are friends. Get well.
11:58 AM



If loving someone is such a hard task, why did I even fall for one? I never ask for love in return, just a friendship from start. I don’t think so I wanted love, it’s more of attraction of liking and knowing. I dig out so much courage just to befriend with you. It take me months to actually get up and do somthing. So much foolish and embarrassment acts was pull out, you have no idea how many countless moment of times I felt as it I want to drop dead, walking back home and having the rush heart beat jumped out. The awkwardness feeling that we bumped at each other for couple of times when I was trying to follow you till I had the guts to say hi. Eventually it took really long. The shyness feeling that eventually ended up in silent’s moments most of the time when we finally talk. The interesting facts being exchanges was one of the awkward introduction that we both make and it was our first time experience such accounted.

It’s seemed like a dream, knowing all this happen for a day and the very next day, it seems back to normal.

I just want to know why? It’s started fine at the beginning and pleasently ended.

I’m feeling depressed actually. Should have never attempt it, should had remain where it was meant to be. It would have been perfectly fine and it all cause by your foolish act. It's really your fault malia and it is. I'm really regreting it.
11:52 PM



One day things went way over the top, smiling happily till there’s no tomorrow. The very next day, thing go way down, depressed by it she been skipping her meals. As for tomorrow, things won’t get any better than today.

argh, i hating this feeling. shouldn't have high hopes! it was just one kind of dreams.

goner, it last a day! =(
11:55 PM



Dated LYNA out! Finally after many countless months of not seeing my nenek for so long, I MISS YOU A LOT!

Had photography sight seeking with her, we had fun, laugher and joy pretty much all the time. I always crap shits a lot with her. I didn’t thinking twice whenever I want to say nor act with her, she my other half. She always saw my weirder side of me since secondary school, never I portrait that kind of norma personality to anyone except her. She is special to me. =)

We will date more in future time, since she is my other half and my so call my mini library. haha.

Throughout the trip the very weird thing happen was that we kept hearing malay song been play by non-malay peeps, haha.


lyna, peace!
9:16 PM



M's stood herself up for hours for couples of days. Depressed by it, yet still believing things would turn up better. Patiently waiting not knowing what the outcome would be, M's believe everything has been set and has its own way. The least M's could do was to try to wait and pray hard for every single evening. M's usually shear tears while walking back home when things doesn’t turn out her way. Even though M's knew her imagination is running far away from reality and the fact M’s could just do unimaginable stuff without thinking straight but yet choose to do it knowing M’s would be hurt even more later. Despite that, M’s willingness to have her heart aches and never once regretted her actions. M's believe one day, that very moment, that practical conversation would come by soon.

If M's friends really know who A's is, M's friends would really think she going crazy. The fact that A's is not perfect in everyone eyes. Even said so, to M’s, A’s has been the best thing that cheer me up during those dreadful days. A's seem to has the passion to live despite the odds, the heart to warm others, the smile that just break down M's heart away and the killing back body that M’s dying to hug.

Like someone says, the goods are the odds, the odds are the goods.
4:43 PM



i created my livejournal account. ehh, no. i have an account but it was use for online shopping purchase. haha. but now it a place when i dump all my k pop madness. haha. from idol icons to images. if theres time will try to create wallpapers too. but for now, i currently pack slacking and surfing web and evening outs. hehe.

greenylines lj first post is SHINee! spend hours to crop pictures and understanding lj style codes. haix.

the next day, wednesday morning ard 10.30am! was spent with hajar and hafizah to do vdt photography project. but in the end, we took mostly crap pictures. to bugis to arab street and then to changi airport.



arab street



changi airport.


remember that moment. hearted.


long date due images for cmsk project. haha.
12:26 AM



A painful love story. The love that hurt my heart leaving only my gasping breath. Hurting me, and go further away.

A girl meets a boy and they begin to fall in love .Their unspeakable love becomes an echo and love begins again.

I really loved him. I really wanted him. I really hate myself. Because I can only see him from afar.

It seems I hurting myself. Because I really want to express my feelings to him. Another sad day passes again.

A painful love begins again. I'm just can't control these feeling that surge up when I always see you . I don’t want goodbye. But I'm fool that can't even stop you from leaving by saying I love you. I want to see you.

I don’t know love. I don’t know heartbreak. I still don’t understand. But I know my heart wants you.

Your eyes is just like a pure clouds. It’s beautiful if we see it together. But when the day rain comes we cant see it any longer. This unavoidable consequence really hits me at the bottom of my heart.

I silently think about you. I said to myself that I like you but it always sounds that no way. Without you, my feelings are down. I’m still believing that you will be there.

Today I will say that I love you .I will make you love me too. Our relationship began to difficult. I couldn't take that you were waiting. I wasn’t able to hold onto you. But now I change a lot for you.

There are more things I want to say but knowing that it will never reach you. It hurts my heart.

If I could hear your voice just once...
11:02 PM