really want to have a good ending for this year. but i not should if i could achieve that. need the help of the other party to make it possible. but the thing is will the other party willing too? i am too afraid to ask. it's embarrassing due to the fact, there nothing to interact about. how?

________________________

i stare at the phone all day, waiting
and my heart aches
even though i tell myself that it's over
lingering attachment grabs hold of me

________________________

you who left
i m the one following you around
instead of you, i myself going crazy
it's strangling me and makes my blood boil

________________________

i thought everything would be okay
i thought i wouldn't feel anything
but after i've lost you, i'm lost in darkness once again
3:40 AM


so many nights i wonder why
what can i do to make it right
everything will be alright

_________________________________

this anxiety kills me can?
or m i just playing dumb?

_________________________________

patience is running out!
can this year be a memorable one?
make it happen, please.
5:19 PM


i m afraid of the things that going to happen soon. even to the smallest thing. ok, i begin paranoid. yes, im. should not have reveal it. brain not functioning well. partly my fault, regretting now. cannot expose. wait, i have exposed almost everything. argh! how? dead! embarrass! avoid.

and everything just last up to a moment where things don’t go right the next time round.

and year ending soon, and i didn’t make the good use of it. wait, i m trying too but it wont happen.

sherlock holmes movie, anyone?

(4.48pm)

_________________________


very bored. had already make plans, have already wake up early, have already get change and all dress up. open the door, close it back. bloody stomach upset, wtf. so the plans when all other way wrong. ohh it’s me who go other way round. ohh well, surt net, watch tv, play game = slack. homework has not even touch, not sure when to do it. and i guessing next week will be pack with outing. hahaha. so how? easy. school works all delay. marks deducted of course. this is how you manage time argh my friend. duh! hahahahaha.

(7.15pm)

_________________________


my sister said that i stood him up. no. i did not stood him up. he didn’t give me an answer. it wasn’t even a yes or no. it was hanging. he texted what time, whether i dropping by his work place. after that the conversation runs somewhere else. eh wait, before that, he calls. but i couldn’t pick up, was in the movie theater. sway, that’s like what, the first phone call ever. (people, i know you would be saying. omg! why didn’t you call him back? wah, sway nye. kau bodoh peh tak call balik. tu lah salah kau. ade chance kau tak nak ambil. n the list continue. i know, you like to nag at me. continue nagging at me at tag board.)

by the way, Avatar was a very nice movie! watch it! two hours plus movie, worth the penny.

because of the incident of accidentally message, i did ask him if he want to have lunch with me today. since the person i suppose to have lunch is having dinner with me yesterday. and supposedly after today lunch i off to do some admin stuff. but the fact of upset stomach, i stay at home. (that’s explains why i have three section post here, too bored.)

since there wasn’t even an answer from him yesterday and the morning of today, i predicted he wasn’t interested. i think it’s not my fault. if you say i should take the incentive to message him again in the morning. you are so wrong. i had already texted him yesterday saying that he welcome to reject the offer. and conclusion of having lunch together, it's still undecidable and still hanging.

people is it my fault? no one fault right. hahahahaha.


_________________________


the frustration of not knowing led to uneasiness and then to texting, at three am. hahaha. he replied at eight am. hahaha. and conclusion was he wasn’t in the office yesterday. hahahaha. ohh well.
11:15 PM


today i swear i wasn’t expecting you to be there. what else more in the same bus as you. what’s more at early timing than usual one? seriously didn’t even think this could happen. it has crossed my mind that i wasn’t able to bump into you since it’s early. but hack noooo. i was super surprise when i got seated. but thank god, we didn’t actually see each other face to face. that’s got to be awkward! due to other passengers standing and heads covering our views, we should be thankful.

the most we could do was just smile, repeating just smile. we like to smile don’t we? hahaha. to start a conversation is like finding a needle in a haystack. m i right my friend? i not sure m i suppose to apologize for not wanting to wait for you to drop off and have a little chit chat. if so, what m i going to say. you too didn’t say anything. the ride to interchange was nerve racking. to look straight and see partly of you, it’s already hard. what’s more to say hi. it’s been what, five months since we had our last verbal conversation. i bet you too, felt the same way. you were looking down and outside too. hahaha. it should be when i past by you, than you start noticing me. or maybe when i was sitting down. you should by now know what school bag i use. hahaha.

you are surprise, i m surprise, we both surprise each other. how great. let surprise each other more often then.

not expecting than what i ever imagine take time to absorb reality. not going to see you anymore, m i? the usually timing has dramatically changed. that’s just suck. i have to admit i did patiently waited at school to leave at exact timing to get there. (by the way it's not in a regular basic. i not that free all the time.) no wonder you weren’t there. is leaving early partly the reason for not wanting to see me there? ohh well, that's not surprising.

ohh did i type that i was lost in thought after the whole surprise thing. i had a long bus ride home, looped. for some reason, thinking led to tearing too.

i typing this as if you (referring to bus stop guy, my friend) are going to read this. ohh well.

and, i really want to date you out. but i don't have the guts to do that. i must consider the thoughts of you and her.

ohh well. lets regard this as a school holiday advance birthday surprise.
11:11 PM


holiday is here, a short one. as project and assignment datelines are nearing as soon as school reopen back. boo hoo. it didn't seem like an holiday to me!

its the festival season peeps. don't forgot to spend till you drop. and complete all the needings before the years come to the end!

remember to ask me out. hahahaha. i may be a lazy bum, but i really do want to watch the twinkling stars at night. any takers?
11:32 PM


11-8-1-9-18-21-12 1-19-18-1-6

can i ask you out for dinner and a long night walk too?


that's just too much to ask. to message each other is already hard. let alone seeing each other.

11:33 PM


seven days more.
six days more.
five days more.
four days more.
three days more.
two days more.
one day more.

message sent. was expecting a message in return and not a conversation. thank you awak.
hopefully the three words with smile face bring you smile. i remember because i have been counting down to this day. five months to exact. ohh well, you didn't remember mine. it's understandable i guess. we not that close, nor do we communicate a lot. i won't be able to have high hope then. what a bummer.

there's nothing for me to hold on too. literally, i guess its a goodbye? you don't belong to me, nor do i belong to you. nothing even start between us. i won't have any reason to text you, nor you will be seeing me poping by there since rushing school dates and holidays are near and nor am i able to you since fate hasn't been kind to me, you aren't there when you are suppose to be there.

ohh well, at least we both know, we are doing fine. bye awak. till we met next year?

*even when i can't see you, i very much contented with the pictures. and may i say that awak seriously lawar. physically lawar. lawar sangat. hahahah. =)

11:59 PM


people, my blog slowing collecting dust itself. the only thing i updating is my Twitter account. follow me. that's where you can get super inside scope of my daily life. A range from school complaining from homework to lectures to random people and deep inside feeling of seeing bus stop guy on the dot. Hahaha.

Signing off, awaiting for twenty-nine to come by, a day where I waited for months to send three words and a smiley face.
5:53 PM


this post is dedicated to my ITE lectures who I not sure who nominate me to to 4PM Bestari Award. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I not sure why I got in, but a very big thank you. I LOVE YOU and I still missing ITE. Bits to pieces to the max.=)

who says poly is fun? hahaha. ITE more GEREK! hahaha.


4PM Bestari Award, Project bITE 09. "I hope this award and recognition will motivate you to excel further in your studies, in your career and encourage you to continue in your quest towards excellence." stated on the paper I received. Basically it means, I have done quite well in ITE and hoping I will do well in poly years which I doubting so. Did I say only top 45 students from nitec and higher nitec of Malay Muslim for the whole ITE campus in Singapore is awarded with this. Hahaha. Don’t hate me lah, a certificate received. It will be other input for my resume, that’s all.


before the award itself, there's a team-building cum briefing section cum amazing race. too lazy to even get your ass out to exercise resulting in lots of sweating, leg aching and a new phobia of heights.


4PM Bestari Award 09: Masquerade - Unveiling The Best

ohh well, everyone make a fool of themselves when it comes to the opening performance. Everyone agreed but it was once in everyone life time. It was air at Suria Berita on the day itself, 09-11-2009 And I thankfully thank you for the editor for not showing my face. hahaha.
10:19 PM