first week of school can predict the next 17 weeks of torture. the modules i am talking are all ideas related. without fail, please brainstorm ideas. not 5 not 10 but countless lah for every module, fucker shit asshole. yesh, i know there's project and presentation which i swear i hating a lot. communicating wise i am very bad at it. i do have to say my language is a total jumble screw mess up. i have psychology related modules. i going crazy with the big words they are using, i think i need to bring mini dictionary to school. the mates there are super highly intelligently smart. imagine the pressure of stress i getting mixing with this mates. what kind of nightmare m i stuck with.
1:22 PM


to pass by the way i used to walk with you, i went round the long way thinking the old memories.

to avoid seeing you the way i used to walk with you, i went around walking at different time.

watching the phone all day long, wishing the heaven's see my heart.

like a fool, even today, my lips can't help calling out your name.

this misfortune event is still awful, wanting you back is what i want.

living like this, how to go on everyday?

even though i love you, i can't love you.

even though i hate you, i can't forget you.

what's left for me are only tears.

in the end i can't let you go.

in the end i still missing you.
2:06 AM



lyna open house on the 26 sept. dbsk loved!


poly mates raye on the 6 oct. visited everyone house. nak gambar gi cari kat facebook. mane mane yang lawar ke, buruk ke, candid ke, pose ke, tegok aje lah.


ite mates raye on the 10 oct, jaza open house.


ifah open house on the 18 sept. chitty chit chat.


ini aje lah rumah yang aku semangat nak kluar, open house raye still the best. hahaha. raye tinggal satu minggu lagi aje.
2:40 PM


dah raye. ape lagi, saya nak minta maaf lah. segala salah silap, terkasar bahasa atau tersinggung perasaan, harap dimaafkan ye. lain kali marah kat aku aje. nanti malia minta maaf on the spot nye. =)

nak jalan raye message aku ehh. nak datang rumah, calling dule ye. nanti aku tak buka pintu tau. dah kasi warning dulu.


tak banyak gambar, pasal betul betul nye malas. dan kite jalan raye sekejap aje. dalam 4, 5 jam keluar lepas tu dah balik.


iftar dengan kawan kawan ite dan poly aje. kawan secondary tak dapat jumpe argh! sedih nye aku. next year aje lah. kawan kawan poly cakap nak main bunge api, bile tu!!! aku tegah tunggu ni.


kawan poly nye gambar tak ade, sorry ye. ni semua ite nye peeps.
1:49 PM


Path of normal daily life, has be unintentionally unnormal than the usual every day.

Never forgot you, i remember you. I going around in circle. I can’t see you nor hear you but i still holding on to you. I feel so pathetic. But it takes some effort, I loved you too much. I tried my best, but it’s impossible. May i’ll see you by coincidence.

....................

I should hate myself for being such a fool being so desperate yet at the same time pathetic in ways of hanging. The reason clearly stated, what else can i do to get over the one time accident then should have never been created from the start. Is this how m i going to be punish silently for the next few years? Like how it has been done previously which last for damn fucking long years? Decision that make has always be the wrong from the start, yet i believe it was the correct thing to do at that moment of time.

I can’t blame others by just myself, many had advised me to get away but i chose to believe that there’s hope in the other tunnel, silently believing there is. Apparently, those wish will never ever going to happen in many months or years to come by. Others said i’m blinded by love. One sided love they mean. The word love isn’t something i wish to brag about nor do i feel any of it.

Putting a positive attitude to convinces others that i will eventually start the dice rolling back again. Which i had tried too, which resulting in no after effects. In the end, i keep falling to the same old place. Neither moving nor giving an extra effort to step out again eventually led hanging to the extent that it seems so desperate that i could not imagine to how much is too much or maybe to the extent that it could be countless. It just prove that i m lying to myself.

If it is time that i needed, circle of life live again. Learning patient and tolerating in process.


Editing to be continue...







Apparently i been visiting granny house for kuih making session, therefore if you want to ask me, ask me a few days before hand so that i can reschedule my starting and ending work time. Hohoho. Even at the mist of hand moving, eyes paying close attention, body aching but the mind keep wondering off countless thinking of the unnecessary thoughts. Even the wildest humorous fantasy imagination, it seems pathetic in every way.




First term result was ok, not quite sure can keep up the average range. Hopefully it can be achieve. Grandma hope i have a degree certi. Iseh, poly school just started, only the beginning. Still got long wait to go and the torturing is just the beginning too. I have met the geeky peeps, they are the peeps I have to look out for. haix.
10:13 PM


if you only knew, how many countless times i think about you all day long, i won’t mind how many countless embarrassing acts i can perform just for you. hahaha, this sound so wrong.

i did try my best to adopt changes, but eventually only notebook wallpaper suit well with your picture. thus leading me countless of times just staring admiring unthinkingly about you. there's something about you that is so addictive. hahaha, again this sound so pathetically wrong.

if only he knew, but he won't because i just know he can't. =)
10:41 PM